Now when Jesus speaks about marriage, he does it in an interesting way. One of Jesus’ principle teaching methods is that he’s waiting for someone to ask the question and through that encounter bring new light on an old and vague concept. We join Jesus in region of Judea in Mark chapter 10 where the people came to be taught by him. Let’s pick up in verse 2:
“2 Some Pharisees came and tested him by asking, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?””
Let me offer a little more background to that question. In that day there were essentially two schools of thought about divorce. One was that is was perfectly okay to toss aside one wife in favor of another, and the other was that in no way was it acceptable to divorce your wife no matter what your reasons. The Pharisees knew the popular opinion sided with option 1, while the traditional view was with option 2, and they sought to undermine Jesus’ popularity. Remember how this chapter starts off in verse 1b
“Again crowds of people came to him, and as was his custom, he taught them.”
People were hungry for his words and his wisdom. Somewhere deep inside them they know this was the living Word of God and since man’s separation for his creator in the Garden he has been desperately trying to find a way back. Here HEwas, in there midst and they somehow knew it. This undercut the authority of the Pharisees who were the end all-be all of the scriptural law. So it was a test, and a trap. They wanted him to say the unpopular thing and break the hearts of the people. If they could spin it right, they could turn him into another John the Baptist.
But Jesus responded in a way that threw the Pharisees off their game. Verse 3:
““What did Moses command you?” he replied.”
This was a direct hit to the Pharisees, because Moses wrote the law, the scripture they were suppose to be experts in. They asked a question of Jesus’ opinion on a topic and he said “What have you been reading? What does the law say?”
And they had no choice but to answer that question truthfully.
“4 They said, “Moses permitted a man to write a certificate of divorce and send her away.”
So let’s dig in, for just a moment, about what they were quoting.
Deuteronomy 24
“1 If a man marries a woman who becomes displeasing to him because he finds something indecent about her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce, gives it to her and sends her from his house,”
The rest of the chapter talks about the woman re-marrying and then getting divorced and how the first husband isn’t to take her back, then it goes into kidnapping, so we can justly end this quote at a comma because that is all we’re looking for right now.
So they quote scripture, and Jesus expands on that scripture
Mark 10:5 “It was because your hearts were hard that Moses wrote you this law,” Jesus replied.
It’s because we are inherently sinful creatures that God, through Moses wrote this provision in the law. But Jesus being God incarnate was able to express the creator’s view on divorce in a way the Pharisees probably weren’t expecting.
Mark 10:6-9 “6 But at the beginning of creation God ‘made them male and female.’ 7 ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, 8 and the two will become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two, but one flesh. 9 Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”
Jesus is going back to an older scripture, one that cannot be debated
Genesis 1:27
27 So God created mankind in his own image,
in the image of God he created them;
male and female he created them.
in the image of God he created them;
male and female he created them.
Genesis 2:24
24 That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.
By answering the question of divorce, Jesus is in fact giving us a new insight on the sacrament of marriage. He is stating that when two people come together in marriage, they are becoming one, and that in order for that family to survive, they need to balance each other, protect each other, support one another. It isn’t about one half of the couple doing all the support and the other just along for the ride.
A lot of couples I see struggle to maintain their individuality and view their marriage as a slight against it. It is not. You merge your individuality into the couple. Remember that both husband and wife were once individuals and by coming together have chosen to become one individual. That doesn’t mean that you give up your hobbies or your interest. So long as they are not destructive to the marriage itself, there really isn’t anything wrong with them. But there is the qualifier, the marriage comes first. You are bonding together as one unit and you must take the time, energy, and effort to cement that bond before you can even acknowledge other interests. You cannot let other elements come between you. You cannot let your hobbies or interests or even your parents or siblings break you apart.
That’s another hard part to swallow, and it goes back to Genesis 2:24. That isn’t to say you leave mom and dad and your sisters and brothers behind in the dust, but you must acknowledge that tending to your own marriage comes before all others. No matter how close you were to your siblings and your parents prior to marriage, your devotion is now to that marriage first and foremost without question. If your sibling comes to you and says “Brother” or “Sister I’m in a tight spot, I need your help on this, but don’t tell your spouse, they won’t understand…” you must stop that line of talk right then and there.
I know it sounds like I’m hammering this in, but honestly I cannot emphasize it enough. God thinks so much of your union that it was the first institution put in creation. There was one man and one woman and the two became one. There wasn’t one man and a bunch of options. There wasn’t one woman and it was raining men. When the bond of marriage is created, it saddens the Lord to see it dissolved.
But what does Jesus think of divorce when it does come into existence. Look to Matthew 5:31-32:
31 “It has been said,‘Anyone who divorces his wife must give her a certificate of divorce.’ 32 But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, makes her the victim of adultery, and anyone who marries a divorced woman commits adultery.”
Harsh. Unpopular even, marriage was meant for forever. Today marriages fail, I think because it’s too easy to get out of them. It really is. Back then there were no “irreconcilable differences”. But then again, marriages weren’t entered into lightly. There was a lot of commitment behind the very talk of marriage, not just the sacrament itself. We live in a world today where marriages can be a few weeks long, where one trip into Las Vegas can unite two into one, and where divorce incites the response of “Gosh, that’s too bad.”
We’ve gotten too casual with our hearts and our bodies and that is where the problem is. We’ve become a culture that sees our spouses as roommates we have sex with, and as such never enter that bond that is suppose to be inseparable. One thing I would recommend to anyone who is talking about marriage is to take what is called a marriage focus. This is a test done with the deacon, elder, priest or pastor of your church. It affords you with a series of questions concerning your relationship with your prospective spouse. The test is sent off and the answers are compared, then you both go over it at the same time with the person administering the test and you are allowed an opportunity to discuss your answers and any areas that need to be addressed before entering the union. I went through it with my fiancé and frankly it was an incredibly informative experience.
The purpose of this is to ensure the union is built to last from the foundation up. When you get married through the church, you don’t do it lightly, or at least you shouldn’t. This isn’t a matter of “Hey, Padre, we got ourselves a marriage license, can you get us hitched?”
Now I was originally going to end this study here, but there is way too much to talk about on this and I feel I would be negligent in my purpose if I did not address them.
For one thing, let’s look at the purpose of marriage. This can be broken down into five distinct areas:
1) Marriage is for companionship. When God created the first human being, Adam, he saw that Adam was a solitary creature and that there was no suitable mate for him in the entire world, (Genesis 2) and so God created Eve. The first union between man and wife was for fellowship, companionship, and mutual help and comfort.
2) Another goal of marriage is to create a stable home in which children can grow and thrive. The best pairing is between two believers, as they will strengthen each other’s faith (2 Corinthians 6:14) and in turn they can produce godly offspring (Malachi 2:13-15). In the book of Malachi, God tells the Israelites that He will not accept their offerings because they have been unfaithful to the wives of their youth. This shows how much God cares about keeping marriages intact. He goes further, stating that He was seeking godly offspring. This indicates too many that the children of the home should be raised in a way that is in keeping with God’s Word which places a high value on the sanctity of marriage. A household with a broken marriage is a difficult place to instill the Word of God. Further, a home where in the parents are unbelievers or one is wishy-washy with their faith while the other struggles to stand firm also cannot foster a faith in God as the child will always be torn between these two elements.
3) In teaching God’s will, you learn about God’s will and so Christian parents who teach their children about God in turn learn about God. In practicing the faith, you come to a better understanding of God’s work in your life. Marriage, as we have established, is an embodiment of God’s will and as such by placing your marriage firmly in faith; you are in creating a structure that will withstand the worst the world has to offer.
4) Marriage also protects individuals from sexual immorality (1 Corinthians 7:2). The world we live in is full of selfish, sexual images, innuendo, and temptation. Even if one does not pursue sin through sex, it pursues them with a fevered desire. Marriage is the only place to express sexuality, and allows you to do so without opening yourself up to severe emotional, and in some cases physical harm caused by casual, non-commitment based sexual relationships. It is clear in Proverbs 18:22 that God wants us to be happy in marriage and through that promote a healthier society to produce holiness in our lives.
5) Marriage is a beautiful picture of the relationship between Christ and His church. The body of believers that make up the Church are collectively called the bride of Christ. As Bridgroom, Jesus gave his life for His bride “to make her holy, cleansing her (us) by washing with water through the word (Ephesians 5:25-26). His selfless act provides an example for all husbands. At the Second Coming of Christ, the church will be united with the Bridgroom, the official “wedding ceremony” will take place and, with it, the eternal union of Christ and His bride will be actualized (Revelation 19:7-9;21:1-2).
Common Law Marriage
If you aren’t familiar with this concept, let me give you a broad overview. Common law marriage occurs when a couple lives together and decides one day that they are married. There is no marriage license, no court, no church. They just come to that point as a couple where it’s easier to think of each other as husband and wife rather than live-in boyfriend and girlfriend.
This is not marriage, my friends. While it may be acceptable in some courts of law, and many law enforcement agencies have a code for such a relationship, it is certainly not a marriage. Marriage requires a commitment on the part of the couples. Common law marriage is a disservice to the sacrament itself, and it is greatly questionable whether or not God sees this as a union at all. I think when it comes to marriage, there needs to be God present in some way to approve the union. If a couple is thinking about considering each other common law marriage, I would recommend just going ahead and getting married in the by the state, and actually make the union official.
Which brings up another topic.
Legal Marriage Outside of the Church
I’ve attended one legal union, and frankly, I could feel that God was present and approving of the union. But is that considered a marriage? Let’s take a look at Romans 13:1-2 “Everyone must submit himself to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except that which God has established. The authorities that exist have been established by God. Consequently, he who rebels against the authority is rebelling against what God ahs instituted, and those who do so will bring judgment on themselves.”
Even couples wanting to get married through the church must acquire a marriage license through the court. It is a requirement to submit to the legal authorities in order to consider you married. If a couple does not subscribe to a specific faith or church that is no cause for them not to get married. I do recommend those couples find an order of faith to connect with, but as far as their marriage is considered, it’s good.
Ultimately, the status of your marriage exists between the couple and God Himself, and therefore every union, civil or church sanctioned, should be prayed upon. Yet the problem with legal unions is that laws are made with loop-holes, as pointed out by Jesus in the earlier reading.
Pre-Nuptial Agreements
Are you kidding me?! Okay, I’ll be frank about this, a pre-nuptial agreement is a terrible idea. It is nothing more than an exit strategy, a plan for failure. A couple that forms a pre-nuptial has already planted the seed for their marriage to fail. If you look at your future spouse and think“I love them, but I’d like some insurance…” then I promise you, you will be calling up on that pre-nuptial agreement sooner than you realize. Christ, Himself, has already expressed the Father’s disapproval of divorce.
I’ve heard the arguments and all of them stand up as well as kite in a hurricane. All a pre-nuptial says is that from the onset you have doubt in your union, and that doubt will prevent you from making that bond of one flesh, and from there strife and failure will ensue. If you have that kind of doubt from the onset, seek counseling to remove that doubt, or dissolve the union before you make it official and save yourself the trouble.
Same-sex Marriages
Some may not like what I’m about to say, and please know that I do not intend to bruise feelings with this, but I am also not going to contradict Scripture for the sake of being popular. Jesus said in Mark 10: 6-7 “6 But at the beginning of creation God ‘made them male and female.’ 7‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife,”
While the Bible can be greatly and hotly debated on its opinion of homosexuality itself, it cannot be debated on its status on same-sex Marriages. There are some states and countries that acknowledge same-sex civil unions and that is between the people and the governments that oversee them, but you are not going to find a Biblical basis to support a same sex marriage. I cannot and will not say it is an abomination in God’s eyes. I will never go that far. I will say that God clearly through the Word does not acknowledge it as a marriage.
That is a heavy note to end on, but I think we can say that marriage is a very heavy topic and never to be taken lightly. So, with that, let us close in prayer.
Father in Heaven, as we enter into the New Year, we find ourselves facing new challenges, and some old and familiar ones. Your sacrament of marriage, while a blessing, can also be filled with challenges from the sinful world we live in. Father, we ask that You send the Holy Spirit to comfort us and inspire us as we move forward with the new life that lays ahead of us. We ask Your blessings be upon us this year and always. In Jesus’name we pray, Amen.
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